The Cuban Blitzkrieg Tour

7 days is really not enough to experience what is without doubt a fantastic, beautiful, backwards and vibrant country like Cuba. One of primary goals was to suba dive in Maria La Gorda, one of Jacques Cousteau's top 10 dive spots in the world. Maria La Gorda is located at the southwest tip of the country and while there's a very tourist bus that goes there, we rented a car. At the of my last post I mentioned we rented a beat up Chinese made rental car called a Geely. Beat up in the sense that every time we hit a pot hole the front left strut would bottom out, dents ans scratches all over and the roads and driving were the reason why.  The only cars on the road were in the cities and people use the roads for walking

 and horse drawn 2 wheel buggies more than cars.

The Local Taxi, The Common Obsticle

Some time the driving was slow going, sometimes we could haul a little booty. I gotta say that Geely could manage to get up a little hustle, hitting speeds of 160 Kph without too much difficulty. Dont ask me how I know. 

Get Out The Road You Damn Cyclists!

Finally reaching Maria La Gorda (or Fat Maria) with the tell tale dive sign.

There's a Whole Lotta Woman To Love

And of course the beachfront room with a view left nothing to be desired

Puede Ser Peor, no?

Havana Part II o Capitulo Dos

So rested and regrouped shall I continue? Its a silly rhetorical question as you wouldn't be here if you weren't interested or or least getting paid for reading this while supposedly doing some other employer related income generating activity.

Without any further adieu sigo con mi cuenta....

There's a part 2 to the Havana Club Bar Video which is really just an out take of part one shown here. I think the sound is a little better than video.

When we parted, and such sweet sorrow it was, I was here...

Government Owned,  Artesanal Goodness, Without  All Hassles Like Pursuit of Profit

From up top the layout looks a little like this...

Objects in Picture May Be Smaller Than Actual Size

 Yes, it looks EXACTLY like it did in the 1950's, in fact one tourist commented, and I agree, that its like time stopped in the 50's and a delayed reaction bomb has slowly detonating for 60 years. Most of the building are buildings are crumbling and people have died from balconies falling on them. Regardless, (Yes, MHH, not irregardless,) Cuba is without a doubt the most vibrant, backwards, colorful, crazy and most beautiful country I've ever visited.

Maybe a little orientation is in order. ALL, or at least most all, businesses are government owned; hotels, rental car agencies, shops etc. What the government doesn't own they get the biggest piece of, for instance, to own your own business in Cuba means paying 55% to the government. I assume that's gross not net. All Cubans get food, housing, education and health care for free whether they work or not. Most Cubans are not in a hurry as there's no profit related incentive. Here, if its a one person job patching a hole in a sidewalk there's six people doing it. Another perfect example: Waiting for the luggage from the flight to hit the carousel in the airport. What would be a 10 minute wait ANY where else in the world (even China) is an hour or better here.

Since all the basic necessities are provided for working peoples wages are extremely low. An example is Lupe, the aforementioned spouse of our new friend Bruno, is a doctor in charge of an entire floor of a hospital and earns a paltry $25 a month. The Government wants to keep the people poor says Bruno, so they ban the Internet and control speech and control everything. This is not however without certain advantages which I'll expand on later, but as a teaser I'll just say that as tourist, the Cigars and Rum are the same price at the airport as they are at the factory store.

The monetary system is a bit curious here. One Cuban Peso equals exactly one US dollar, which makes me wonder if that's a coincidence. Also there's a secondary currency called Moneda Nacional. Its what the locals use for the collectivos (shared Taxis) and for small day-to-day purchases. 

The 3 Peso "Che" Note

Meanwhile, here's a tour of the Havana skyline as told by the live view "periscope" style viewpoint.

Che Guevara is the communist propaganda martyr and is pictured on about everything here

Its a Little Reminiscent of the Whole "Hope and Change" Logo

I must admit I was slightly moved by the spirit of solidarity and rebelliousness.

Viva Che! Down With The Yankee Imperialists!

Its pretty cheap to be a tourist in Cuba. The Hotel Ingleterra, a 4 star hotel pictured here in series, costs $110 a night. Slower than dial up speed (or worse) Internet cost $8 an hour though and is almost unusable.

Further on, we stumbled across the US embassy, long out of use. Apparently a bunch of "anti-imperialist" flags were flown in front of the embassy on to be taken down when Obama was elected.

Before

After (Other Angle Though)

And with that I'll post a picture of the car Paula and rented. Its Chinese made, most likely a copy of some Honda, and already beat the fuck up after only 39,000 Kilometers. This is what it looks like.

The Chinese Made "Geely"

This next picture is what your Geely looks like when it runs out of gas in the middle of the Cuban countryside 100 Kilometers from anywhere.

Can You See the Difference In The Two Fotos? 

Fortunately that isn't what actually happened but near tragedy did strike plus it makes a great cliffhanger when Pablo Travels returns from this short unabashed plug for the most generous sponsor and best people to do business with for all your insurance needs...

Proudly and Blindly Sponsoring Pablo's Travels For 22 Years

Viva Cuba Libre (really this time, I promise)

Cuba, yes. I´ve still not finished with Tulum but here´s the rest of the story in pictures. Aren´t they supposed to be worth a thousand words? The rest of the album is over at flikr.com which you can see by clicking here or haz clik aqui, si prefieres...

Cuba, yes Cuba. I have to admit I wanted to go there largely because we, as Americans, aren´t supposed to. It appeals to the rebel in me and my insatiable desire to trample the bushes off the beaten path. I´m told its not actually illegal for American citizens to visit Cuba, its just illegal to spend money there because of the embargo. I´m also told that the law isnt enforced. Not that I really care that much, sometimes I just like trouble, uhhh certain kinds of trouble that it is.

I must admit all the propoganda we hear in the United States about how evil fidel and the communists in Cuba are had me a little apprehensive going through customs into Cuba. They really check you there. Ask a ton of questions make you smile for the camera. To make matters worse, Paula and I got the extra 3rd degree, they took our passports and made us wait for a supervisor, (and everyone else in line behind us as well,) who came and asked all kinds of questions like, are you bringing photographic equipment? Do you have satillite communication equipment? and so and so forth. Actually I´m not really sure if it was us they cared about or whether they were sending a message to the other travelers, something like, "Next time, don´t stand in line behind the Americans." I think I violated gentlemens protocol by playing the dumb American that speaks very little Spanish and let Paula do the talking, which she did very well.

In Cuba they import anything so its not unusual to see car tires wrapped in plastic, toaster oven, or other unusual objects coming through the conveyor belt with your luggage. The Cuban government imposes huge tariffs on anything imported and its only predicted to get worse in September when tariffs are expected to rise to 100% of value. So if you bring in a $100 car tire, you pay a $100 import tax. 

Paula made friends with an Italian businessman named Bruno and we became fast friends. He helped through customs and waited for us to get our baggage. Its worth noting here that since everything is government owned they are in NO hurry, especially when it comes to unloading the baggage from the airplane. Bruno turned out to be a great resource as well as a friendly guy and took us to a "casa particular." Which is just a private residence where travelers rent a room from the owner of the house. All the tourist accomadations have air conditioning (that I saw) including hotels, casa particulares etc which is handy as its 90+ degress and 75% humidity. To the unacclimated its like getting out of the shower but never drying off, ever. Later that night we went to dinner with Bruno and his second wife Lupe at (of course) an Italian restaurant.

Where´s Waldo Again?

So lets tour a little of Havana shall we? Bruno and Lupe took us on tour of Havana´s center starting with a pedi cab ride to "heaven."

Can You Guess Whether the Dura-Ace is 9 or 10 Speed?

Heaven, I have arrived and your name is the Partagas Cigar Factory Outlet Store.

I think I could die happy right now


Inside it was a variable cornucopia of fesh cigar smells oh so yummy I think I´d like my ashes interned in a humidor somewhere inside. There were so many yummies to choose from, but ultimately, it Partagas series D no 4´s (or 5´s) that really are my favorites.


Oh Scrumptous Nicotine Goodness How I Love Thee

Shortly after what ensued was nothing less than nicotine adled bliss.

Further on the tour I met an old friend and had a chat about the meaning of symbolism in literature.

The Way I See It Is...

And what city would be complete without a crazy signing guy?

Further along we took we hit the Havana Club Rum Factory where Paula got her Salsa on. The video is a little dark, sorry cheap camera, but worth watching and listening especially.




And with that, I will pause to take a breath, rest, regroup and recoup my energy. I hope to entertain you once more with Havana part 2...

Viva Cuba Libre, but not just yet!

It has come to my attention that perhaps I may have included only the extreme details when describing my last two weeks of adventure in my opening paragraph of my last post. In fact there are much calmer details I may have left out in the interest of poetic license and Pablo Hyperbolie. I´d just like to take the opportunity to set the record straight.

Before I get to the subject title of this post I want to waste a few more minutes of your employers time and share a few more details and fotos about Tulum.

Some of you may have been under the impression that the grass hut I stayed in was lacking in the traditional amenities that Pablo has become accustomed to. Au contraire... There was a private toilet.

Composting Away Odorless and Silent

The shower, however, had no hot water. 90 degree temps and 75% humidity eliminate the need.

Cold Showers Were Also Necessary For The Traditional Purpose

I´d explain the above caption but lets just say that it had to do with the "woman of my dreams" and I´ll expand on that by saying "Machete don´t text, and Pablo don´t kiss and tell"

Sometimes at really fancy hotels you get a welcoming bouquet of flowers or a bottle of champagne or perhaps a free drink in the bar. Here the grass huts come with a welcoming committee in the sink. Every time I got near him he seemed to be "clapping his cute little hands" but I could be mistaken.

Those are little tiny "clappers" right?

 

I told myself, I said, "Self, let´s just be a little adventurous of an eater this time and keep it to traditional foods considering the GI distress of the previous few years." So did I do that? Not exactly...

I Mean Really, What Can A Little BBQ/baked/Fried Squid REALLY Hurt?





Nooooooooooo!

On a final Tulum note, I can´t seem to stop pouring sweat. 4-5 liters of water a day is about the norm just to stay hydrated around here. To give you an idea, here´s a photo at 1am in the morning with Pablo bathing in his own sweat, wondering, "Is there a pill to acclimate to humidity?"

Pablo The Sweat-A-Saurus With Hot Chick At His Left

The days were unforgettable and the nights even more so. While this has been my best trip ever, there´s PLENTY more stories and adventures in the pipeline. With that I bid you all adeiu and remind you that you can comment freely, opening and anonymously.

Now get back to work! 



The Oooom in Tulum

I MUST be having fun as its been two weeks now that I´ve been on the road without a post. In my defense there was some time in Cuba, an internet black hole, but other than that my excuses are paltry at best.

So in one breath I´m going to catch you up to date. and go...

I flew to Cancun, a ride with a friend to Tulum, stayed in grass hut with an outhouse on the beach with no electricity, got 437 1/2 mosquito bites (don´t ask where the 1/2 came from) went scuba diving in caves (cenotes,) until I got blisters on my toers from the fins, fell in love with the woman of my dreams, made out with her on the beach under the stars with the waves lapping at our feet, danced the night away, got the old "Let´s just be friends" *deep sigh* Flew to Cuba toured Havana bought a box of Partagas Series D no.5 cigars went scuba diving at Maria la Gorda (One of Jacque Costeaus top ten in the world) blazed through Cuba on a whirlwind tour in a chinese made rental car at a 160 kph, saw Vinales, Vardadero, Trinidad and Playa Giron, hit a buzzard, got a camera ticket (REALLY?), bribed the cop, happened on a "End of Summer Party" which was madness in Santa Clara toured the Che Guavara Monument and the Bay of Pigs museum, which was fascinating BTW flew back to Tulum rented a car drove to Chichen Itza and am currently resting at a really cool hostel recommended by a really hot chick who may just be more than just a friend after all.. 

And with that you´ve been caught up, I bid you adieu... 

I know what you´re thinking, you´re thinking "Wait Pablo, we want the rich history and vibrant story telling  in the time honored Pablo fashion.." I hear you, I do. So let me start at the beginning or shortly after, lets say in Tulum...

For those of you not in the "yoga know," Tulum is rapidly becoming an international yoga tourism destination. On the Yucatan Peninsula, two hours south of Cancun, Tulum is a sleepy little town with temperatures in the 90´s and humidity in mid 70´s.  My friend Paula moved here some months ago to teach Yoga and has had Cameron Diaz, Heather Graham and Kate Bosworth in her classes. Now that the Americans have discovered it prices are sure to triple. Tulum has two parts, the pueblo just off the main road, and the beach 5 kilometers west. The beach has no electricity and everything is solar or wind or generator.  It looks a little something this...

Hurricane Food

Arriving at my little shanty, I failed to notice the lack of electricty. Not that I REALLY care one way or the other, but being the gagging snore-a-saurus that I am, I´ve come to depend heavily on a CPAP machine for a good nights sleep. Whats more, my recovering, but still a bit delicate health has come to depend heavily on a good nights sleep for a good next day.

Couldnt It Be Healing WITH Electricity?

After a night in Paula´s Hammock and an extention cord later I settled in to what was really a fantastic view of the most beautiful beach in the world.

Anyone Got a Light?

All the lighting is with candles which makes for a very pretty scene but a little hard to see. Heres what it looks like from the other direction.

What do you call the really small moscas? Mosquitos...

Now I know what youre thinking, its something along the lines of, "Now Pablo, we all know youre a bit of an extreme guy, are you trying to say you went all the Mexico for Yoga?"

No, I didnt. Because Tulum is also known for Scuba Diving in Cenotes, or the caves that are formed by the rain runoff through the limestone over the centuries. It looks a little something like this...

Heres Pablita Doing Her Best Seal Imitation

Stalag-whatevers

Heres the View From Below

And From Below-er

Now, I dont know what youre thinking but Im thinking for only my 5th through 9th dive after getting certified as opposed to certifiable, thats a little extreme.

We also did a reef dive which was pretty incredible even though the visibility wasnt up to Tulum standards due the recent hurricane. Its the same reef as Cozumel.

Swim Like the Minnow You Are!

Later we met up with some new friends and divers from Spain. I will neither confirm nor deny that some partying took place

Apasiuate Sonso...

And theres more to the story in Tulum, but since Ive never been one to kiss and tell Ill save it for another blog gone day. After all Ive already wasted enough of your employers time.

Next up Pablo and Pabla in Cuba... and with that I truly do-bid-you-adieu....