Exploring the Globe
With Bad Spanish and
an Even Worse Sense
of Direction
Excuse Me !!!!
EXCUSE ME! 3rd World keyboards are not Pablo friendly, so excuse if you will grammar, punctuation, spelling, apostrophes, slang, sexual/drug innuendos, racially sensitive remarks and just otherwise general cantankerous nature of Pablo's mild mannered demeanor. Any offense taken is generally intended
It has nothing here but rain, rain and then rain some more. Inevitably this happens...
My headline reads "Pablo Stranded" which isn't exactly accurate, much like the news these days.
We have had to reroute our return trip home though. The plan was to bus it to Oaxaca and fly from there on the red eye. The new plan is to take the red eye "bus" to Mexico City and fly from there. Which means a brutal night of traveling, the brutality of which I'm not altogether unfamiliar with. Having done it once for the "adventure" I'm not anxious to repeat the experience. Insert song entitled "Ambien love ballad" here.
Going WAY off track from the tragic current events of the region I have a few left over notes to comment on before the "season finale" of PabloTravels. Think of it like the out takes during the credits of a Jackie Chan movie.
Lets play a little game I like to call "DID YOU KNOW"
Did you know:
1.) Smart wool socks can very accurately recreate the smell of wet sheep when washed and force dried in your hotel room with a hair dryer?
2.) Mexico s idea of a dairy free steak is to spoon the pooling butter off your prime rib prior to serving?
3.) Toilet seats are the exception not the rule in this part of Mexico?
4.) A sure way to create envy (or maybe disgust) amongst your friends in a downpour is to taunt them with quick drying Ex-Officio clothing and Merrill waterproof hiking shoes? A sure sign this is happening is when every other topic starts with the words "I gotta get a pair of those"
4.) The Shaman drives a brand new Audi Q7
5.) For about $12 you can see a movie VIP in D.F. and have overpriced watered down drinks delivered to reclining chair?
AM Doing His Best Mr Bill Pimp Daddy Impression
6.) That while Pablo is sick, he still has an appreciating eye for the local talent?
Please excuse the "untalented" left of center, maybe the right too
7.) Bohemia s latest product offering, is a Mexican Hefeweizen?
Pablo's Rating: "Unremarkable" Although Sampling Was Extremely Limited
Finally, what PablosTravels blog post would be complete without commentary on his Spanish ability? None I say, none. Sadly, I'm disappointed to report that my Spanish is still inadequate at best and woefully lacking at worst. I alternate between "Fight harder" to learn to speak and comprehend with fluidity and ease and "Fuck it, this is as good as its going to get." The Spanish is coming at me so fast that it stuns me not unlike automatic gunfire.
And with that I will sign off and absorb the days events in a valiant effort to entertain you tomorrow, because damn it, you re worth it!
Most of yesterday was thoughtlessly consumed by an extreme "bus experience," which is code for boring old bus ride. However, it is the true measure of a master blogger to color the monochrome or spice up the soup so i ll do my best not to waste your employers time. Except you PM in which case this "time" is already mine.
Setting out on an advertised 6 hour, (in actuality 7 hour) bus ride, I present you with the obligatory "Pablo on the move" photo...
Pablo on the Move, Water Bottle in Hand
Moving to the bus station in Oaxaca I couldn't seem to find the right entrance for my bus and I paused to ponder pointlessly, was I expecting a personalized entrance? Oh right, this must be it...
This Must Be The VIP Entrance...
On the bus I got the last seat with a striking panoramic view of the bathroom
Huele a Urina, wey.
From my vantage point I was able to see if the girls took their purses with them to the bathroom or not, yippee. This was not the luxury bus of yesterday and I'm not sure if the movie screen in the seat back could have withstood the jarring anyway...
Camera Image Stabilization diminishes the effect somewhat but it was a bumpy Gurn.
This was sure to be an interesting ride but there were some great sights to be seen, such as this and Maguey Agave plants that make Mescal dotting the landscape
Yummy Future Mescal Gluten Free Goodness
On a 7 hour bus ride one has time-o-plenty to reflect and I was feeling so bad that my reflections were mostly on my future treatment options and where morphine and hospice fit into the mix.
ED has become the yardstick by which I measure my misery as he is truly miserable. His hands became so swollen a couple years ago that he could no longer operate, which must truly be suffering for a doctor. Imagine going to school and studying all those years and then this happens at age 35
Eds Hands
ED also floated the possibility that my ailments are the result of some voodoo like curse placed upon me by a bitter ex-girlfriend which prompted more reflection on my part. Ive always thought of myself as a pretty decent guy where women are concerned, and while Ive had some less than amicable break-ups I cant really think of anyone who would say Ive wronged them or acted out of malice. But who knows sometimes affairs of the heart can really cloud ones judgment or memories. There's a few ex girlfriends reading this now, what say you oh anonymous commenter?
As I reflected (or genuflect-ed praying for a safe arrival) the wheels on the bus of life kept turning, climbing into the sky. Come, ride with me, if you dare...
I must have uploaded the non-twisty turny video, but trust in me, it was a windy one.
We arrived safely at in Ixtepec but the journey didn't go so well for these folks
No One Hurt, The Stems On This Ford Excepted
Arriving in Ixtepec, safe and sound, our Hotel was sold out and were forced to accept second rate accommodations. Which was fine by me as second rate is a little more my speed. The rooms were $10 for the night but being the elitist discerning traveler that I am I opted for the air-conditioned suite for $20.
A Real Salt-of-the-Earth Sandals in the Shower Kind of Place
I know what youre thinking, "Paul, $20 WHAT A BARG OF GURN LIKE PROPORTIONS!" Too bad a toilet seat and hot water werent included. If I had bought it at Costco I would take it back. Plus, that aire acondicionado lets everyone know its there and that its working REALLY hard for your comfort and enjoyment.
and with that we ate and retired for the night. This morning we saw the Shaman and Ill write about it tomorrow. This would be the blogosphere-ical equivalent of the television series season finale cliffhanger where you cant wait to find out who slept with who and whether the protagonist is actually dead or not.
Revising our plans (yet again) to rent a car and drive to Oaxaca, we settled on a bus for economic reasons. We briefly considered a private jet, but a cost of $900 each way the consideration was indeed "brief." Although $900 didn't seem that expensive to cheap traveler inside me. I'm sure my insistence on finding a bus with a first class section could have been considered nagging, but after South America I consider myself learned in the art of Latin American Bus Travel. So "primera clase" is how we ll be journeying. While this might sound elitist, I assure you the few extra dollars spent make a big difference. Having a nice wide seat that fully reclines for a 12 hour excursion becomes priceless at about the 6 hour mark. Sadly the first leg of this trip, Mexico City to Oaxaca is only 6 hours.
Backing up a bit, here's a shot of AM and I at the Templo Mayor Ruins
This is a working trip for AM and ED and they have a lot meetings, and some sort of company here in Mexico that I really don't understand but they are the guys you call when you need connections or contacts so here's a pictorial representation of what the conversation looks like at meal time
A little "BlackBerry" for dessert sir?
So off to Oaxaca I go...
Between movies I had time to reflect on whether Ed is my inspiration to keep fighting or my signal to call it a day. I'm still undecided and see-saw from fight to flight regularly, but I lean mostly towards fight. Auto Immune has to be one the worst disorders to have, although agreed, the disease you HAVE is always "the worst." Its like undergoing chemo for life. Too fatigued to do anything but the bare essentials, cant eat or little appetite. Difference is one way or the other you're done with chemo. Auto Immune is the gift that is little understood and keeps on giving.
I pondered fight or flight and other important questions between poorly dubbed movies of "The Spy Next Door" and "My Best Friends Girl" beamed directly to the seatback in front of me.
Not to complain, but I feel the need to complain. My stomach/Gi tract discomfort has returned and eating is no longer a stress less endeavor. I imagine it corresponds with my prescribed reduction of prednisone. I'm tempted to up the dose at least for the duration of the trip as traveling with a doctor has advantages like easy access to medication. Meanwhile skinny Paul tightens his belt and considers sewing his shirt sleeves to make his biceps look bigger.
On that note I would like to present for your viewing pleasure some food porn, which is like bike porn when you cant ride
Ceviche Peruano went down easily
Tlayudas Oaxaceñas (or something like that) not so easy...
and to wash it all down a little gusano swimming in Mescal
"Its sooo nice in here, Ill bet the other worms are jealous of me now!"
and down the gullet...
Gluten Free Worm Goodness or Worm Thinks Pablo Needs a Shave
Ed forgot to tell me that for maximum effect the worm must be chewed. Drats! Next time.
Our hotel in Oaxaca is a converted Hacienda and is quite luxurious
Although the swimming pool could get a little crowded with about 2 people...
In a couple hours we board the bus again for the little village that the Shaman works out of. It should be quite a ride and ED describes it as a winding mountain ascent like driving up the road up to Big Bear only for 5 hours. Luckily for me only airplanes crash, buses not so much...
Waiting for my window of Shaman opportunity, I'm growing a little restless. Normally when I travel I try to kamikaze as much as I can get in, sights, museums, destinations and adventures. This trip has a different purpose, one I'm still trying to adjust to. Balancing the patience necessary while waiting to get to Oaxaca with my desire to see and do all is becoming a challenge. Factor in what my capabilities are physically, sift it all through my medication induced brain fog and what do you get? I don't know yet but Ill let you know when I figure it out.
After the ritual WNB, yesterday morning my hosts decided to take me to the Zocalo, probably to shut me up more than anything else, but it was a sight. All juiced up for the bicentennial, and no manifestaciones (protests) made it a good day to sight see.
200 Years since "The Grito"
Ive seen the Zocalo before but it has been some years and certainly the decoration added a little zip. Ed served as my guide and gave the tour a little historical flavor that added to the experience.
Often the Indians demonstrate there, I'm not sure why, probably against something trivial like discrimination or equal rights, but today there were content to entertain us.
I was hoping for hot chicks and a pole, but alas it was still very entertaining to watch.
Close to the Zocalo is the ruins of the Templo Mayor, and while I'm sure Ive seen it before I just cant place it as ruins and pyramides tend to blend like cathedrals in Europe. See two or three and you've seen them all. The Templo Mayor has had some recent excavation since 2006 and it was facinating to see the layers upon layers built throughout each Aztecs rulers reign.
and the top of the temple
They're not dead, they're just thinking...
Only in Mexico.
I'm sure everyone has an "only in (insert crazy location here)" Here one of mine. I will set the stage by saying that while I consider myself 420friendly, I'm not very 420active. Its never really been my thing. Anywhoo the other day we were 420friendly-ing in a wardrobe closet when a hippie-ed out business guy dressed in traditional Indian attire pulled this out of his man purse...
To recap, "only in Mexico" does a hippie-ied out business guy in traditional Indian garb hand you a hit of Ecstasy in a wardrobe closet while smoking a joint. Or maybe that happens all the time and Ive just led a sheltered life.
I'm thinking to myself that given the current state of my health that its really not the time to be experimenting with recreational drugs, so I asked ED, "Hey is this safe for me to take even though I'm sick?" He replied, "You're already dying, you think THAT is going to kill you?" Huh, hard to argue with that logic.
Sadly or fortunately, depending on your perspective, we ll never know as it disintegrated in my pocket before I could fully assess the potential health consequences.
We've decided to rent a car tomorrow and drive to Oaxaca seeing some of the sights along the way. As its a 12 hour car ride Pablo's Travels will probably go dark for a couple days.
and with that I will leave you with an unholy symbol of corporate global greed and domination. Enjoy.
I was disappointed greatly when our pilgrimage to Oaxaca was delayed due to the rain and poor road conditions. Looks like my life changing consult with the oracle will have to wait until Tuesday. Ed tells me that the Shaman only sees people with our type conditions on Fridays and Tuesdays at 5 am. So we may fly to Oaxaca Monday just to be sure we get there on time.
I'm feeling better day by day, which is both surprising and good. I{m able to get down a full meal with little discomfort and my appetite has come back somewhat. Maybe the antibiotics are starting to clear the gremlins from my gut, maybe its just that I'm in Mexico on an Adventure. Maybe what Ed says about "it all being in my head" has some truth to it. What he means by that is, "Yes, you have AS and you're gluten intolerant and you're sick, but if you THINK you're sick, you're going to BE sick." And I must not forget, HE would know. Its hard to say how much better I'm feeling, and Ive been trying to quantify it. Its tough to rate on the Scale of Health, because when you start at deaths door, getting to maimed and wheelchair bound can feel like a miracle.
Speaking of possible miracles, Ive been pondering my questions for the Shaman, trying to keep it simple and pertinent. Its not that easy for a guy who has never really had any deeply held spiritual beliefs. I cant help´wondering, is my declining health tied in some way to a crisis of faith? Should I be practicing some religion or praying to some unearthly deity? Is the answer not in one strictly practiced religion or belief but rather in a mixture of the best parts of many with a combination of compassion, faith and love for all things?
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, I don't know about all that.
I do know I'm getting restless hanging out in the Opium Den...
A Typical Morning In The Opium Den (Identities Protected)
Its been sometime since Ive crashed on a couch for 3 days in a room with 4 people. (Insert extreme expression of gratitude to the makers of Ambien HERE) Sharing that small space means you go to sleep when they sleep, you get up when they get up, you eat when they eat, etc. Its a bit of a switch for a guy that lives alone in a spacious house with 2 cats. Not to mention their RELENTLESS jokes about what I can and cant eat are getting a little old. "Paul, does that cheese have glutamen in it?" "Don't drink that wine it has GLUTAMEN!" Glutamen is the Spanish for Gluten, why I guess they needed an extra syllable just to complicate things.
Ive been doing well on the diet and can say with a high degree of certainty that my gluten intake has been pretty close to zero. Although when you eat out you never really know about cross contamination. Ive brought some of my own stuff, mostly agave fruit and nut bars from the health food store en caso de emergencia. Eating is a little less stressful taking these gut specific antibiotics as catching a bacteria is unlikely. At a cost of $300 for an 8 day supply, they'd better be good.
So today's post is short and sweet and to the point. As for what my plans are for the weekend, who knows, I'm making it up in my head as I go along. And its all about whats in my head anyway, remember?
Catching the red eye from Tijuana I wasn't sure how I would fare with the weakness and lack sleep and just the all out toll it takes flying late night.
Tijuana Airport at 1am
I was unsure how if Id be able to stand in long lines at the airport in Mexico City, but I did fairly well. Lines were short and wait times minimal which is good as I was having premonitions of dropping from exhaustion while waiting for customs. Flying or traveling all night always upsets the my body's balance; food and rest cycles are off and bodily functions are disrupted. Well... you get the picture.
At the airport, I could still feel the familiar burn of what feels like a bee sting of the lovenox stick, (I mean really, why cant they use a smaller needle and mix it with a little lidocaine.) Our flight was only 3 1/2 hours which pales in comparison to the 16 hour monster from South America last year that almost claimed my leg to a blood clot. I'm ultra conservative these days as a blood clot now and my health goes from poor to horrible about as fast as a (insert your favorite super car here) twin turbo goes from 0-60. Still I did my calf pumping exercises every hour and got up and moved about regularly. The days of washing down a xanex with some vino tinto and slipping off into a gentle slumber are dead to me now.
In my last post I mentioned a friend of friend (actually a cousin of a friend) was traveling down here to see a shaman and pitched me on joining him for the trip. My friends, who I'm traveling with now have asked that I not show their picture on line or publish their names as they are trying like to keep a low profile to discourage kidnapping. (Revised and details omitted) . So for purposes of protecting my sources, (and no, I'm not willing to go to prison indefinitely in the name of journalistic integrity,) Ill call them by their code names, Amigo Mio and Estimado Doctor or simply AM and ED. The two friends I'm traveling with pictured below
Proof that ANYONE can look better with a little "digital retouching"
While Ive touched on my poor health, ED is redefining the severity of what I ever imagined the word 'sick' could mean. His knees, hands, elbows are all swollen and his face has that puffed out prednisone look. They don't really know exactly what he has (besides Lupus) but in the last three years he has seen 33 different doctors, done 28 alternative therapy treatments, seen 3 other shamans, a black witch AND a white witch (whatever that is) and says the shaman we are going to see is the only one who has helped him. Currently they are giving him Chemotherapy to shut down the immune system and ED is running on what AM terms, " 8 months of overtime." Which means 8 months ago he was given 4 months to live. He is too weak now to lift his own suitcase onto the conveyor belt at the airport. On the Microsoft Windows scale of sick, or MWSOS, If I'm "Windows ME" sick then he is "Windows 7 Ultimate Professional Edition with Home Multimedia Pack and Encyclopedia" sick. We have a few of the same symptoms which scares me a little, the dry eyes and mouth, pain and fatigue. The fatigue is a hard one for other people to get and for me to explain, but Ill give it a try. You know when you've had a long exhausting day and the muscles in your legs, back and whole body ache and are tired? The discomfort we don't generally call "pain" and is non specific, meaning it not just one single thing that hurts locally, but your whole body. Now imagine that all-over fatigue actually hurt like the pain of a headache and the worst ever full body hangover you've ever had at the same time, all 24/7. If you can get a grip around that then you{re close. Lack of sleep heightens those symptoms and the weakness can become debilitating.
Sick or not, his story is none the less fascinating as hell and beyond blog worthy. ED is one of the leading diabetes experts in the western hemisphere and has had 2 articles published in the New England Journal of Medicine. while that's all well and good, the cool part is that he doesn't charge to treat patients, instead making money from speaking fees usually paid by drug companies, studies and teaching. Severe diabetes often involves amputations and ED boasts that in his practice he has reduced amputations from 6 in 10, to 2 in 10. While I'm not in his shoes and wont be, (our diseases are different, I hope) I cant figure what keeps him going. He says its his daughter and his dedication to medicine. I'd probably have checked out long ago and gone the way of the Gurn, but I guess you never really now until you have to make that choice. I cant decide if ED is an inspiration for me in my fight against this largely misunderstood disease, or an example of knowing when to throw in the towel. One effect it is having on me is how I view and define things as 'important' in my life. I'm sure Ill be overhauling that definition for years to come.
He wants to see my medical records (which happens to be a request I can easily oblige as I keep EVERY test, xray and result on a thumb drive on my key chain) and says he can cure me with a new stem cell treatment he used on his dads Ankylosing Spodylitis or Espondilitis Anquilosante in Spanish. He says I will be the first patient he charges and its going to cost $100. Ummm well, OK. He doesn't think my problem is AS and that AS is a symptom of something else and we will see after we visit the shaman he says. Actually he says "Its all in your head."
Arriving in Mexico City ED hired a car and driver for $2000 pesos a day so we wouldn't have to hassle with taxis. After braving the Brutal Mexico City traffic at 730am doing extreme Mexican U turns. We arrived at a breakfast with a friend of AMs, Ill call him ELE (FB, you ll remember ELE, he was the guy that sewed the sleeves on his tee shirts smaller to make his biceps look bigger when we were in La Paz.) We had breakfast and I managed to force down a fruit plate although I knew my stomach would make me pay for it later.
"What your immune system is haywire? Why, you can hardly tell!"
ELEs a cool guy that grew up in Coronado, an entrepreneur, and his apartmento is in the Polanco section of Mexico where as he puts it, "no one is scared to come here and its close to everything."
Polanco Section, lots of trees, calm, safe, nice, ahhhh
The weather has generally been nice, alternating from high clouds to sun when all of sudden this happened...
Later ELE took us out for dinner at a pretty upscale restaurant called "Trece," or 13.
Charging the camera always means the best fotos escape immobilization
So named for a striking coincidence between the owner and the number 13. Not only was he born on the 13th, at the thirteenth hour, in the 13th building on the 13th floor, his fiancee is 13 years old (kidding she WAS born on the thirteenth though) and a string of so many other thirteens I forget. ELE knows the owners and it was one of those 4 hour meals where one delicious course come after another with good food, good drink, good conversation and good freinds. Topped by one two glasses of Johnie Walker Blue Label.
Now, I expected this trip to slide from one end of the fourtwenty friendly scale to the next, so far its been pegged to the maximum reading which I term as "opium den." Which is fine, I'm not exactly a ball of fearless ball of gringo fire rearin' to go and tear up the city, but I do want to explore and unleash my own special brand of travel madness upon an innocent unsuspecting Mexico. So kicking back for 3 1/2 hours in an Internet cafe writing this blog is cool by me.
Thursday we are off to Oaxaca, either by bus or plane, depending on how ED feels to see the Shaman. The basic idea of how it works is you line up and take a number, seeing the Shaman one-by one. When you get your audience you ask him your health/life related question. I'm envisioning this to Neo meeting the Oracle in Matrix .
So for the next couple days Ill be kicking around what the great all mighty life changing question I should ask might be. Should I keep it strictly medical or venture off into the vast largely unexplored area of spirituality? Should I try to tie both together like a good BSNYC segue? Is the cause of my physical suffering a by product of not placing enough straws in my own nest? Clearly this question could hold the key to the garden gate blocks my life's path. Here's a few ideas Ive been kicking around:
1.) What are my lucky lotto numbers and can I get a quick pick while I'm here too?
2.) Will a sheep's wool coat shrink, constrict and kill him if he goes in a hot spring?
3.) How can I get the grey out of my hair and still have it look natural?
4.) Can I have 3 wishes, the last one being to have three MORE wishes?
5.) Are breast augmentations "real" or "fake?" Ive always been on the side of "if they exist they're real."
Clearly I have some soul searching to do before I distill these important queries down to the one that might set my spirit on a path of truth enlightenment and peace.
Meanwhile back in Distrito Federal, AM and ED are off to meetings all day and ELE and I are out sampling fine dining. Lunch was at a very nice restaurant called "Primos."
Apparently they've just opened up 3 new locations called "Tios" "Sobrinos" and Mi Tias." I had the Queso Manchego and Jamon Serrano with a baby green salad and agreed, its not exactly a Thanksgiving feast but I did manage to finish it handily with little discomfort. Maybe that progress or just a "less than bad day."
A hot chick recently told me that Mexico City reminded her of a "concrete jungle," sort of cold, artificial and impersonable. I have to agree. But there is something exciting about cities that are alive with culture, history and arquitectura.
After I period of time though, living in a concrete jungle must be like working for a large organization in a cubicle farm. Complex, impersonable and rigid, while in contrast the opium den offers the timeless simplicity of what-you-see-is-what-you-get.
As always I leave you with a disclaimer. These entries are written on the fly so you will excuse the punctuation, grammar, and missed apostrophes as Latin keyboards share few keystrokes to those of ours. Spellcheck only corrects Spanish words here, so use your imagination, it'll be more fun that way.
No, the above byline does not refer to marriage, but something far more troubling, but not without some similarities. I am referring of course to my latest ailment, Ankylosing Spondylitis.
While both are lifelong, chronic and incurable, neither are life threatening even though at times they both might make you feel as though you wish you were dead.
My experience with marriage is somewhat limited, all right you got me, non-existent in fact. I can however speak with some authority about my experience with Ankylosing Spondylitis (AS). In the last year I've had test after test that showed nothing abnormal and I was basically told that there was nothing wrong with me, or in the words of my GP, "If there's something wrong with with you, I don't know what it is." I'm a little hard on the GP and in his defense, the symptoms I was relaying to him weren't exactly indicative of AS and there's virtually no blood tests that says definitively that you have it. Athletes are trained to ignore pain, so I thought nothing unusual of my back pain, it was the fatigue that was my major complaint. Kinda non-specific I know. Also that statement assumes that I am, or was, in fact an athlete which may be a subject open to debate or at least another blog post.
Someone suggested I see this Russian doctor who kinda plays on both sides of the fence between modern and alternative medicine. Turns out the guy is a rheumatologist and spotted my AS immediately. If you have a mystery illness, auto immune disorder or food intolerance, I highly recommend him.
While modern medicine hasn't exactly failed me yet, I'm not exactly enjoying life. Things are a little worse than I've let on. I feel like I'm weeks away from being too sick and so weak that I wont be able to make it to my cushy self-employed desk job, even part time. The immune system is a complicated and not well understood system in medicine and treatment is more about managing the worst symptoms. The first couple rounds of medication have either had limited effect or I haven't been able to tolerate them, (For a definition of tolerance see "marriage.") There aren't many pharmacological treatments for AS so there are precious few steps on the drug ladder between easy- readily available, inexpensive with few side effects and and the heavy $15-25k a year injectable hard core biologic class of medications. The latter of which I'd prefer to avoid but am prepared for.
My Rheumy found that I'm gluten intolerant (soy and milk too) and thinks I will "recover well" with a gluten free diet. While waiting for that to kick in I've been pioneering and fine-tuning a revolutionary new diet. Its called the Nausea Induced Food Averse Caloric Deprivation diet, or NIFAC diet, and I don't recommend it, but its cheap (you actually save money while on it) and effective. I've lost 15 pounds in 2 months! By virtue of largely not being able to eat, I've unwittingly been on my new found diet for a month now and boy is it ever paying dividends! Side note: Be sure to drink plenty of fluids or you'll end up like me getting IV fluids with electrolytes for dehydration. While some of the weight feels like it can be attributed to (hard earned) muscle, bone and sinew, the first ten pounds were fun. I mean really, who doesn't have ten pounds they'd like to lose? (Besides Javi) On the upside, having massive upper body muscle development is no longer an issue and fitting my massive biceps into a keg is no longer a problem. After 10 it gets a little scary though...
I'd like to take your questions, really I would, but by the time you read this I'll be waayyyy out of cell range and not really available and not really caring to answer emails. So I've taken the liberty of anticipating some of your more pointed queries as relayed to me by my trusty inner dialogue.
"Paul, where's this headed and why are you writing about it?"
Thanks for asking as I sometimes can get side tracked and a bit "wordy" when I write. Then again I can sometimes be wordy when I talk too. Lets just say that sometimes I'm wordy in general and leave it at that.
Without telling anyone I'm leaving today with my posse and headed to deep Mexico.
"My Posse" That's just how I roll, yo.
I'm unclear as to what Mexico's immigration policy will be for my "posse." One thing I am clear about is that it will be an adventure!
"So Paul, where and why are you headed to Mexico?" Great question, thanks for that. I am traveling to Oaxaca, to be specific, to visit a Shaman. I am traveling all-out ex-officio, backpack laden, on-a-whim, not a care in the world, Pablo style. The only luxury I'll be bringing is my Vicodin Addled Reality, or VAR for short, and my Prednisone Infused Tissues, or PIT. Technically I'll also be bringing Nuclear Gut Frying Antibiotics, that great Wonder of Slumber, Ambien, Fire Eye Exstiguisher Restaysis, and of course my special friend, Prilosec. So for those of you keeping track at home its PIT, VAR, NGFA, WOSA SPF FEER or in the aggregate MIF, Medication Induced Fog. Not to be confused with MILF, which is another thing entirely. FYI I tried really hard to make that acronym spell "VALV.PITI" that way I could deny it was mine. Oops getting wordy again. So MIF and I are going to take Mexico by storm, dawg, and we're going to kick some spondylit-ASS! Actually I'm really just in it for the adventure and if anything comes of it well then woohoo.
"So Paul, how did this come about? Did you just Google 'Shaman' one day and say 'Oh that looks promising.'" Agreed, this is a drastic step for one whose beliefs are so deeply rooted in the scientific method. Its not exactly... Google... Book a flight...Go, but since you asked its an interesting story. A friend of a friend, Gustavo, who's a medical doctor, has been struggling for years with Lupus (like AS, also an autoimmune disorder) and has seen all the doctors, had all the tests and taken all the drugs with little success. It was his sales pitch that convinced me to accompany him to Oaxaca. It went a little something like this:
"Look Pablo, I have been to one doctor after another, taken all the drugs, seen all the spiritual healers and the ONLY thing that has worked is this guy in Oaxaca, and I'm a Doctor! He doesn't charge, because if he does it doesn't work. You can pay him $1, $100 or nothing it's up to you. I have been where you're at. I've been in your place. I've been in your shoes, your socks, I've been in your pants."
OK, well, the last part of that statement loses a little something in translation, (besides being factually inaccurate,) but you get the idea.
"So Paul, aren't you scared to travel to Mexico now with all the drug violence?"
No.
"Ahhh, Paul, we all know you to be a leveled headed rational guy, ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND!?!?"
Yes, Yes I am.
So I was faced with a choice. Either wear out the couch cushions watching football, (there really are so many more games on each week now and in HD,) continuing to waste away waiting for the miracle of modern medicine to heal me or take advantage of the short lived prednisone lift and go get in a little adventure. After all I haven't had a REAL vacation this year. The 31 ski days I took don't count, neither does that 7 day cruise to Mexico as it was a "company event, they're like sick days for the corporati or the mill rat so I don't count them. Besides I'd hate to think this was my last chance for adventure and didn't take it.
"Paul, isn't a Shaman like some sort of Witch Doctor and what makes you think he has the Voodoo that will do you?"
What are you a cop?
Its true, the medically probative and diagnostic value of a Shaman may be the subject of scientific debate, it will, at the very least, make spectacular blog fodder and outrageous adventure! And you know how much I like adventure. Adventure for me is food for the soul and food is sustenance, the sustenance of adventure. Adventure is nourishing and nourishment is what feeds my adventurous life. Wait a minute, I lost myself there, what exactly was adventure again?
So as my prednisone levels rise, so does my thirst for adventure, (or is that thirst for water to fight the dry mouth of the prednisone?) and there's sure to be plenty of that as I'll be journeying into the land of no spell check, technology challenged smoke filled Internet cafes, poorly designed ergonomic keyboards with funky symbols and slow connection speeds. As if those could be the least of my issues. So stay tuned for more poorly punctuated enthralling blog post-a-poloza funtastic good reading. So I'll write again in a couple days for those of you keeping track. Feel free to comment indiscriminately and with anonymity, if desired. Even if the trip could kill me, I'm sure my adventure craving spirit animal would bring me back.
